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I like to watch movies. And since I have a computer and the ability to put up a web page, I will review them. The plot summaries are really short and I just tell you if the movie is cool or not. The link on the movie name will usually point to the official movie website, since making movie websites is the 'in' thing to do nowadays. There are also lots of old reviews dating back to 96.
South Park
plot - The kids watch the Terrance and Phillips movie, Satan and Saddam get it on, Canada gets blowed up.
comments - The funniest movie I have seen this summer. I respect the fact that it tries to offend as many people as possible. It may seem like really stupid, low brow comedy, but it's actually pretty intelligent, with coy satire on society and extra points for ripping off Les Miserables on a couple songs.
verdict - What would Brian Boitano do? *** 1/2
Tarzan
plot - Tarzan save Jane. oog oog, banana
comments - Ahhh, Disney vanilla flavor. The animation keeps getting better, the 3D backgrounds are very nice. That stupid Rosie O'Donnell New Yorker ape voice got on my nerves though.
verdict - Tarzan and South Park are both cartoons? ***
Wild Wild West
plot - Will Smith is a cowboy.
comments - This movie looked kinda cool during the Super Bowl, I guess it got really sucky between then and summertime. Salma was good, Branaugh needs to go back to Shakespeare. I still like the Wild Wild West song. I don't care what you say.
verdict - Low expectations going in let me give this movie more than its worth. ** 1/2
Big Daddy
plot - Sandler and that kid try and make all the girls in the audience go "awwww! (how cute)"
comments - Funny stuff. That Sandler guy is tryin to become a real actor. Who does he think he is, Jim Carrey? I guess the difference is that this movie was way better than that Cable Guy. I like it when Sandler screams and gets hurt.
verdict - I approve. ***
Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me
plot - Austin Powers and Rollergirl dance around and fight Dr Evil and Mini-Me (Hot Pocket, Mini-me?)
comments - As a movie, this flick is pretty crappy. BUT, as a long 33 million dollar SNL sketch, this movie is pretty funny. It's got some good gags and puns and it's easy to follow and just flow with it baby.
verdict - Do I make you horny baby? Do I? ***
Star Wars: The Phantom Menace
plot - Obiwan and Jedi dudes fight the special effects.
comments - This movie just came out of nowhere. It was kind of hard to find a theatre that carried this indie movie, but luckily I managed to get to one and check it out. So anyway, it's not much in the way of a movie or story, but the special effects are state o the art. I liked the Darth Maul saber fight and the Pod Race. I don't really care anything about Jar Jar, it's just some computer special FX thing. Some people get so worked up over nothing....
verdict - Meesa say yousa see moovie? ***
Entrapment
plot - Zeta Jones and her booty avoid lasers
comments - Zeta is cool. Sean Connery is old. This movie is kind of weak in the story department, but who cares when Zeta is in it. I guess the whole spy/thief/high tech gadgetry theme is still mildly interesting.
verdict - Zeta ****, Movie ** 1/2
Go
plot - Kids and drugs and Quentin copycats
comments - OOh. Edgy. Hip. Is "Gen-X" still a media buzzword? This movie was just ok. The storytelling is very Tarantinoish, in that it follows different characters in the movie, not necessarily following a timeline. But, the characters were weak, and the story ended up going nowhere. And it all went downhill when that guy from SNL and that guy from Party of Five showed up.
verdict - Go? More like, uh.. maybe. maybe Go. Or not. Or something. ** 3/4
The Matrix
plot - What is the Matrix?
comments - Y'know when in the movie advertisements they say a movie is a 'thrill ride'? I think this movie qualifies. Keanu even manages to look cool. And I'm not talking Bill and Ted cool. The story is chock full of junk (the good kind), but the special effects are what makes this movie cool. Lots of bullet time photography and wire stunts. The action sequences are very good. Speaking in more cliches, this movie pushes the envelope in special effects. And it was only made for 60 million. That's cheap nowadays.
verdict - I know kung-fu. ****
The Corruptor
plot - Chow Yun Fat and Marky Mark do the corrupt cop thing in Chinatown.
comments - Hey, trick me. This wasn't no action movie. Oh well, it wasn't bad I guess. Turns out this movie is character driven and the story is solid. Too bad Chow Yun Fat's english is terrible. It was work for me to try and cut through the accent. Just like those bloody Brits in that Lock Stock movie. Anyway, the action scenes are pretty wussy, but not a bad second effort on Chow's part. Marky Mark will never be the star vehicle in a movie. He doesn't have the on screen charisma and his voice is too breathy. Go back to singing, Marky. Wait... don't do that...
verdict - "You don't change Chinatown, boy. It changes you." Or whatever. ** 3/4
Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels
plot - Bunch o people with British accents go around and do weird British stuff.
comments - G'day mate! Wait.. I mean, Bloody hell! yeah. This movie was like Pulp Fiction, but funnier. There are alot of characters and subplots, but they all tie together nicely and everything is cool in the end. Not like that stupid Thin Red Line movie where there are a bunch of people who don't do anything. Very slick movie this was. The accents were killin me in the beginning but I got used to it eventually.
verdict - Ya dozy muffet, chop chop *** 1/2
Analyze This
plot - Deniro and Billy do their thing
comments - This movie was funny. Not double over and die funny, but good for a few chuckles. Definitely not the 'comedy of the year' as advertised. I saw it in the phat stadium theatre in Atlanta, so that was a plus.
verdict - ha ha, but not har har. ** 3/4
Life is Beautiful
plot - Roberto Benigni and family live through WWII
comments - Roberto Benigni is the man. He can do that heartwarming comedy stuff without making it seem insincere or contrived at all. This film is in Italian but you get used to the subtitles after just a few minutes and by the end you are feeling fluent in Italian. The first half of the movie was comedy, the second half took a more serious turn but it was a good move. It gives the film alot of depth. Y'know, it's hard to make funny reviews out of good movies. Oh well. Hope this movie wins lots of Oscars.
verdict - 1000 points wins a tank! - ****
Shakespeare in Love
plot - Shakespeare... well, falls in love.
comments - A fan of the romantic comedy genre I am not, but this one ain't bad. There was enough comedy and Gwyneth to keep me entertained. Good story and acting.
verdict - Oh but were I glove upon that hand....or whatever *** 1/2
A Simple Plan
plot - Three dudes find 4 million dollars and bad stuff happens.
comments - Lotsa treachery and greed in this movie. Good character-driven story. Good story telling. I thought it was better than Fargo.
verdict - Go ahead and rent it. *** 1/2
Payback
plot - Mel Gibson kills alot of people to get his money back.
comments - This movie is a remake of an old movie which I've never seen and don't remember the title of. But I thought this movie was cool. It had washed out colors for the present, and regular color for the past, to show the present was all dark and gloomy, and the past was all happy and colory. Or something. Mel kills alot of people on purpose - the kind of thing he can't do in those Lethal Weapon movies.
verdict - I was entertained. ***
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